Before the DGK premiere, Shmatty Chaffin called me asking for something. "What?" I asked him. "I am busy." He said this would only take a second. Get this. He asked me to drive all the way to the I.E. and to meet him at Chaffey High school in the bushes. He said he would take care of the rest. As U know I am the busiest bitch in LA so i was not about to drive to the I.E. to meet a guy who is not even actually on DGK but that is another story.

He said he would make it worth my while so I got in my Civic bought for me by James Craig (but that is another other story) and headed to the school. When I got there I could see a leg poking out of some bushes by where the boys used to skate the ledges, and knew it was my Date. 

Shmatty was in the bushes with a Wassup Haters pacifier in his mouth and a DGK I <3 Haters bonnet on, and he was wearing a huge soiled diaper. He motioned for me to yank the pacifier out of his mouth and I did. What the fuck is going on Schmatty I said. Change me he said. He pointed to a stack of some wipes and clean diapers next to him. next to the stack was another stack, of shrink wrapped unreleased Girl/Chocolate product he probably got from Daniel Castillo, as well as a stack of five 100 dollar bills. So U know I was like "Yolo" and removed his diaper. After wiping up that mess I noticed a red stain on his inner thighs that was not going away. I was like aww you're all Chafed.

xoxo,

The Buttery Ass

During half time at the Glendale, Arizona Street League stop I met with Sean Malto on the Nike SB tour bus for a quick sex date. We went to the back of the bus and got onto the lower bunk of one of the beds (according to Sean it is where Shane Oneill likes to sleep). We brushed aside the Monster Energy snapbacks, Dre-beats headphones and Skatemental hoodies to get down to action. Sean got on his knees with his back to me, untied his shoelace belt, pulled down his 4-star jeans and said "Please piss on my ass." I was about to fulfill his request when Scuba Steve came onto the bus and called Sean back into the arena. Scuba Steve was carrying his VX so he may have filmed our interaction. We'll see if the footy leaks, no pun intended.


Does Malto allegedly like Pee on the butt? #PeeOnTheButt

xoxo,
The Buttery Ass